Some days grief comes and covers my feet, washing in and out again. And some days, it comes in a tidal wave, drenching me to the bone, soaking my soul and leaving me shaking. Today has been one of those days.
Maybe it's the cloudy weather that dims the corners of my living room. Maybe it's looming day in the coming months when I will have to put away all of her little, lovely things behind closet doors and dresser drawers. Maybe it's her due date approaching fast and furious like a storm, just as it did last year. Maybe it's this room in this house--this house where she left this world for Paradise. Maybe it's yet another unsuspecting stranger that glances at my two boys, studies my growing belly and asks, "So, are you going to have a girl this time?" Maybe it's the daily ebb and flow of hormones. Maybe it's everything. Tears are stinging today, washing my cheeks over and over. I yearn to hold my baby girl again--for my family to be together and complete, soaking in the warmth and presence of our Savior.
"If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you."