It Is Time

"There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace."

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

...

It is time, sweet friends, for laughter instead of weeping; for dancing instead of mourning.

Introducing our third prince:

EMMITT ISAAC MILLER

September 30, 2010

11:04 p.m.

6 lbs. 2.6 oz.

19 inches

Healthy, strong, breathing, crying, living.

Words cannot express our gratitude and utter adoration for this precious son we have been given.

God is SO GOOD.

Tidal Waves

Some days grief comes and covers my feet, washing in and out again.  And some days, it comes in a tidal wave, drenching me to the bone, soaking my soul and leaving me shaking.  Today has been one of those days.

Maybe it's the cloudy weather that dims the corners of my living room.  Maybe it's looming day in the coming months when I will have to put away all of her little, lovely things behind closet doors and dresser drawers.  Maybe it's her due date approaching fast and furious like a storm, just as it did last year.  Maybe it's this room in this house--this house where she left this world for Paradise.  Maybe it's yet another unsuspecting stranger that glances at my two boys, studies my growing belly and asks, "So, are you going to have a girl this time?"  Maybe it's the daily ebb and flow of hormones.  Maybe it's everything.  Tears are stinging today, washing my cheeks over and over.  I yearn to hold my baby girl again--for my family to be together and complete, soaking in the warmth and presence of our Savior.

"If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you."

-Psalm 139:8-12

Math

Two tender little boys. Living, breathing, loving and thriving.

One sweet child we will meet for the first time when it is our time to join him or her in Heaven.

One precious daughter.  Home, safe, whole, missed and adored.

And one tiny new life . . .

We are thrilled and thankful, and in the same breath, terrified and trembling.  Please pray with us--for this precious new life and each of our hearts as we begin this new journey with number five.  We covet your prayers.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 4:4-7

Words

stranded below with this cluttered up head
abandoned and lonely, confused and misled
and within a war is raging

this shell of a vessel
thin-skinned and disheveled
draped over the dress rack that teeters a bit

like a thief in the night snatched up without warning
with pleading in vain, interceding for pain
stripped bare of the privilege and mercies with morning

frantic to find in this place that is fallen
the peace that surpasses the knowing
why the hands that are mighty to save were unwilling

filled to the brim with this empty nest emptiness
a void that spills over and drenches the rest
in a place that's so dark and so deep and so hollow
where loneliness settles and help cannot follow

the giving
the taking
the hoping
the breaking

and the promise
of life to the Full

what kind of life is this?

with this missing heart piece
a pain that won't cease
and a heart that can't stand the beating